bootstrap analysis

favorite sentences from recent blog posts

Colorful quotes from blogs I read. A new series?

"I still have to untangle the penis, epiphallus, appendix, vagina, etc., from each other without breaking anything apart..."  -- Snail's Tales (and genitalia)

"If Dorothy the owner isn’t around, her friend Carolyn is, along with two helpful gentleman who make up in friendly service and big smiles what they lack in teeth." -- detroitblog

"He took up all together, carried to his house, and his wife opened the shell with a knife, released the duck, and cooked the quahog." -- This Date, From Henry David Thoreau's Journal

keep it clean

It's always a good idea to make sure you have a clean Bunn.

google again

Once again, oddball search strings that landed people here at Bootstrap:

• da da da song in commercial with green couch
• elderly farting cure
• birds with 2 heads
• ear candling in Israel
• circus cannibalism
• consequences of eating rabbit poop
• dunk stool medieval torture
• hog in a chair
• contractor low bid humor
• naked woman and google earth map
• 101 ways to torture marshmallow peeps
• asinine cat
• where to recycle a used commode
• how to run away
• hard peck
• humongous woodpecker
• freaky moths
• bighairyasses
• do baby kingfishers thermoregulate
• pennyfarting car
• ghengis khan intestinal gas

And I would like to throw in common search strings that irritate me, for one reason or another:

• Robospanker.  Yes, I mentioned Robospanker once, and apparently, this is one popular invention.  All I can say is, save your money and use your hand!
• Flak seed.  People, it's FLAX seed!  You know -- from flax plants, flaxen hair...
• Kelly Tripucka.  I was going to say, Kelly, quit the vanity searches.  But I actually received a really creepy email from a guy who went to grade school with Tripucka, and he asked me all sorts of questions about my encounter with him. Can you say...unhealthy obsession?  Haven't had a search since then.

If this lifted your skirt, you can view the rest in the series here, here, here, and here.  Oh, and while I'm in humor mode, didn't anybody GET this?  Talking to their members?  Well, I thought it was funny!

talking heads

I received this in my feed reader.

what i've been up to

So, posting here has been a bit sparse lately.  My whole winter season has been occupied with writing for publications. I'm not even caught up on that, and it just burns me out for writing thoughtful, relevant, and literate posts for the blog. But, if you wish, I can always come up with something goofy or trivial!

We made a trip trip south for a friend's wedding this weekend. Sometimes, photo retouching just ends up spoiling one of those "a picture is worth a thousand words" moments.

One thing my husband likes about driving south is eating at that "regional cultural icon," Waffle House. I'll say that I'm a bit nostalgic about it myself, as my very first job was a WH prep cook.  It was a bit disconcerting to see them take a stab at becoming more sophisticated and continental:

Somehow, when diners try to go this route, it tends to reinforce the fact that they have a tenuous grasp on the whole fusion food thing. From another roadside joint:

Ah, well. Back home again. Big project on my plate, but I'll try not to make myself so scarce while I tackle it.

bought myself some whoopass

Two laugh-out-loud portions for only $2.89 each.

post-purchase deity evaluation form

You may find this in your stack of post-holiday warranty cards and product registrations. It just cracked me up.

1st annual amalgamated holiday letter

When I receive a holiday letter, I sometimes don't know whether to laugh or cry. It seems few people have mastered the art of a lively overview of interesting and relevant information and instead get bogged down in trivial or obtuse details.  I decided to start my own holiday letter tradition.  The following missive uses unaltered excerpts from letters that we received this year; only the names have been changed.

Announcing a new larger format with more pictures!

It’s that time of year again, and when we look back on this year, we have many fond memories.

Mikey celebrated his second birthday on March 26.  He has really grown a lot this year -- he now has hair (actually a very long mullet). His appetite is amazing.  What a poochy tummy he gets!  We were recently surprised by how solid he is compared to other kids his age.  Just as the cake was put on the table, he put his foot in the frosting. Mom had fun licking the frosting off his foot, though!

In April, we moved into our new house.  Jane Killian was our realtor.  We finally found a spec house built by Joe Fox. Olivia Gregory did a great job with the interior design. Jack put up a wonderful set of cabinets/shelves in our garage (since our basement is finished) so we could use this to put up items we don't use on a regular basis.  Frank has successfully avoided cleaning the basement for 5 years, and we have yet to hang a single picture on the wall. Mom and Dad's urns still sit on our mantle.

Our health has remained relatively good. Dan passed his driver's license without glasses, but will soon be a candidate for hearing aids. Linda fell down the stairs. We are fortunate so many people helped out. A special thank-you to Linda's mom, Fred's mom, Jill, Britney, Clark, Jack, Gale, Jeff, Steve, Jerry's teachers (Wanda, Pete, Cathy, Kate), Robert's classmate's families, Rick and Jan, Francine, Don and Jackie, Patsy, Dan, and many others!

Allen is still working for Big Bank and is seeing a lovely young lady named Carolyn (who is studying Mortuary Cosmetology).  My job was everywhere this year. Ever tried to neuter a sugar glider that is the size of a small squirrel? Our department is now called "Global Administration" and everyone is called assistants (no more Executive Assistant, Senior Administrative Assistant, just Assistant). We moved from the third floor to the fifth floor then I went to the sixth floor to sit near my new VP.  I was told my old manager was also moving to the sixth floor, so I got to pack him up and move him while he was on vacation.

We are so richly blessed.  We hope you are, too.

it's world naked gardening day

Apparently nobody got a really bad rash last year, because today is the second annual World Naked Gardening Day. The web site has some suggestions for every type of in-the-buff horticulture enthusiast:

An elderly lady in a Manhattan apartment can plant new annuals in her window box. Families can rake leaves in their back yard. Freehikers can pull invasive weeds along their favorite stretch of trail. More daring groups can make rapid clothes-free sorties into public parks to do community-friendly stealth cleanups.

In honor of this, today I engaged in naked coffee making, naked floor sweeping, and yes, I went outside naked and pulled a weed. After all, I'm all for an event that supports pulling invasive weeds.  Jenn, are you participating?

what brings you here?

Well, I haven't done this in awhile, so here is another installment in the Idiotic Google Searches series. More actual search strings that brought people to bootstrap...

• robot chicken farmers
• natural human popping sounds
• elder bug secrets
• news background scratching her crotch picture
• hairy aquarium parasites
• what kind of stuff can be found in ears after ear candling
• digiscoping for idiots
• mute chicken
• random invertebrates
• symptoms of cracked toilet commode
• hantavirus and poem
• head lice highlighter
• Howard Stern's robospanker
• finding your hair whorl
• silly radiation worker photos
• ancient dildo
• listerine native photos

And I must add a non-bootstrap search, one to my work web site.  Someone was searching for information on the introduced bird species Streptopelia decaocto, and plugged in "collard dove."

Previous installments can be found here, here, and here.