bootstrap analysis

son of google searches

After four years of blogging, I tend not to look at my stats quite as much as I used to. After taking a look at some recent search strings that landed people here, I can see why.

• Laura Erickson massage
• strings in feces
• info about rabbit poop and urine
• tanagers having sex online for free
• what I might find in asia in 2050 show me
• eating undercooked chicken
• meaning in the face of a white-tailed deer
• creative ways to pee
• salamanda poop
• cat orange pantaloons
• cure to farting
• do they sell caviar at walmart
• kelated woodpecker
• lady with flies on her butt pics
• pancake fart
• kelly tripucka nude (for christ's sake! you can see the backstory of Kelly here, along with links to the other search term compilations).

lost on the internets

Better late than never, I discovered this. Some of them are hilarious.

99 things meme

I saw this at Evolving Thoughts and thought it would be a fun waste of time. Rather than bolding things I've done (or not), I'll just divvy them up into two lists.

Things I've done:
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars  (in a tent)
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
8. Climbed a mountain (on trails, not with climbing gear!)
9. Held a praying mantis (although I find it a little creepy)
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
16. Had food poisoning
18. Grown your own vegetables
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
26. Gone skinny dipping
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
35. Seen an Amish community
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
57. Started a business
63. Got flowers for no reason
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
74. Toured the Everglades
80. Published a book
82. Bought a brand new car
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (do fish count?)
88. Had chickenpox
91. Met someone famous
93. Lost a loved one
95. Seen the Alamo in person
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Things I haven't done:
3. Played in a band (I presume air bands don't count)
4. Visited Hawaii
7. Been to Disneyland/world
10. Sang a solo (certainly not in public)
11. Bungee jumped (and I never will)
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
15. Adopted a child
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
25. Held a lamb
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (not past a few generations)
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (I wonder how many Americans actually say yet to this?)
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
46. Been transported in an ambulance
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies (eaten a lot)
62. Gone whale watching
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar (not unless various sushi made with fish roe counts)
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square (I've stood in a more interesting one, though)
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
81. Visited the Vatican
83. Walked in Jerusalem
86. Visited the White House
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
92. Joined a book club
94. Had a baby
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit

favorite sentences from recent blog posts

Colorful quotes from blogs I read. A new series?

"I still have to untangle the penis, epiphallus, appendix, vagina, etc., from each other without breaking anything apart..."  -- Snail's Tales (and genitalia)

"If Dorothy the owner isn’t around, her friend Carolyn is, along with two helpful gentleman who make up in friendly service and big smiles what they lack in teeth." -- detroitblog

"He took up all together, carried to his house, and his wife opened the shell with a knife, released the duck, and cooked the quahog." -- This Date, From Henry David Thoreau's Journal

keep it clean

It's always a good idea to make sure you have a clean Bunn.

google again

Once again, oddball search strings that landed people here at Bootstrap:

• da da da song in commercial with green couch
• elderly farting cure
• birds with 2 heads
• ear candling in Israel
• circus cannibalism
• consequences of eating rabbit poop
• dunk stool medieval torture
• hog in a chair
• contractor low bid humor
• naked woman and google earth map
• 101 ways to torture marshmallow peeps
• asinine cat
• where to recycle a used commode
• how to run away
• hard peck
• humongous woodpecker
• freaky moths
• bighairyasses
• do baby kingfishers thermoregulate
• pennyfarting car
• ghengis khan intestinal gas

And I would like to throw in common search strings that irritate me, for one reason or another:

• Robospanker.  Yes, I mentioned Robospanker once, and apparently, this is one popular invention.  All I can say is, save your money and use your hand!
• Flak seed.  People, it's FLAX seed!  You know -- from flax plants, flaxen hair...
• Kelly Tripucka.  I was going to say, Kelly, quit the vanity searches.  But I actually received a really creepy email from a guy who went to grade school with Tripucka, and he asked me all sorts of questions about my encounter with him. Can you say...unhealthy obsession?  Haven't had a search since then.

If this lifted your skirt, you can view the rest in the series here, here, here, and here.  Oh, and while I'm in humor mode, didn't anybody GET this?  Talking to their members?  Well, I thought it was funny!

talking heads

I received this in my feed reader.

what i've been up to

So, posting here has been a bit sparse lately.  My whole winter season has been occupied with writing for publications. I'm not even caught up on that, and it just burns me out for writing thoughtful, relevant, and literate posts for the blog. But, if you wish, I can always come up with something goofy or trivial!

We made a trip trip south for a friend's wedding this weekend. Sometimes, photo retouching just ends up spoiling one of those "a picture is worth a thousand words" moments.

One thing my husband likes about driving south is eating at that "regional cultural icon," Waffle House. I'll say that I'm a bit nostalgic about it myself, as my very first job was a WH prep cook.  It was a bit disconcerting to see them take a stab at becoming more sophisticated and continental:

Somehow, when diners try to go this route, it tends to reinforce the fact that they have a tenuous grasp on the whole fusion food thing. From another roadside joint:

Ah, well. Back home again. Big project on my plate, but I'll try not to make myself so scarce while I tackle it.

bought myself some whoopass

Two laugh-out-loud portions for only $2.89 each.

post-purchase deity evaluation form

You may find this in your stack of post-holiday warranty cards and product registrations. It just cracked me up.