bootstrap analysis

reappearance

I said I'd show up here again, so I thought I should make good on my promise. It's been a hectic spring. The first hurdle is just getting through migration -- from mid-April into early June it's a marathon: up at 5 AM seven days a week. In that period I think I had two days off, and one was doctor's orders after a biopsy (that turned out okay, but was prompted by pain and discomfort, so down the road I may have to have some surgery).

Meanwhile, the Kingfisher's job situation, like so many in our region, is a little precarious. He made it through a round of layoffs, but the company has doled out nearly a month of non-paid furlough days. No guarantees there is not more belt-tightening to come, so we're going through readjustments and stress of our own. As for me, BIG unexpected changes at work ahead.  That has already chewed up a lot of time and mental energy. More on that later.

On the plus side, Juniper is now 90% integrated into the family. She doesn't hide in the basement rafters or on top of the freezer any more. There's hardly any hostility or aggression between her and Sophie, but sort of a grudging acceptance. Sophie, though, is extremely jealous. She can be sound asleep in some distant part of the house, and all I have to do is talk to Juniper and Sophie comes running to make sure the love is doled out in equal measure.

I appreciate Sophie's lack of interest in going outside even more now that the nice weather has arrived.  Juniper is never far from a window or door, has put holes in the screens and honeycomb blinds, and cannot be trusted not to try to sneak out the door or shove a screen out. She's succeeded twice. Luckily we caught her in the act both times and we able to snag her in the neighbor's yard. Hence, she is wearing a collar during her probationary period until she gets the idea that she's an indoor cat. But, she's a lot of fun --  extremely curious and playful, and she brings us a lot of joy.

In the coming days, I will be purging myself of accumulated links and thoughts. Stay tuned, if you wish!

"i'll be back"

Hey, people (if any readers are still left out there), I'll be back in a week or so.

Hiatus

I'm taking a spring break. Too many projects, too little time.

the year in birds: 2008

Most notable for me birding-wise in 2008 was my inadvertent big year in my home city. I had 169 species, blowing away any previous year's total. I got my last city bird New Year's Eve day, an American Black Duck at the Ford Rouge Plant. The Rouge -- besides being an amazing place in a sort of post-apocalyptic industrial way -- is good for waterfowl in winter because the water around the plant stays open. Some of the ship turning basin is visible from the road, but good birds are more often found from inside the plant. I get in with one of my best friends, a city cop who is also an avid birder. A lot of Black-crowned Night-Herons winter inside the plant in a small, sorry-looking discharge pond that never freezes. We counted 27 tucked in the phragmites around the pond. My friend also took us into the Ford Proving Grounds, where we tried for Lapland Longspur or Snowy Owl. Sometimes there are surprises in the wide open spaces enclosed by the test tracks, no luck yesterday, though.

The total number of birds I've seen in my city is 217.  New for me this year were Horned Grebe, White-winged Scoter (which was new on the city checklist, which stands at 250 species), Virginia Rail, and Long-eared Owl. 

• New life birds: 63. Most were from my trip to Panama last January.
• Total life birds: 974.
• Total ABA-area birds: 578.
• Total state birds: 310 (up two, Black Scoter and Franklin's Gull)
• Total birds in my home county: 257 (good year for county birds for me, adding Eared Grebe, Black Scoter, Short-billed Dowitcher, Red Knot, Franklin's Gull, and Bohemian Waxwing).
• Total birds at work: 188 (new this year, Merlin and Long-eared Owl)
• Yard birds: 135 (new this year, Summer Tanager).

I've done this summary the last few years. Here are links to 2005, 2006, and 2007.

As for predictions for 2009, my big scores will hinge upon a planned trip to Nicaragua in March. Kingfisher and I will be doing some bird banding near Matagalpa and insect surveys for the owners of at least two eco-lodges. This is our second attempt to arrange a Nica trip, so we hope this one works out.

I wish you many good birds -- and peace and joy -- in 2009. Happy New Year.

all the things i can't tell you

Just enough people know who I am to prevent me from writing about some of the most interesting, dramatic, or bitch-worthy things that have been going on in my life, aside from spending 32 of the last 36 days in the field.

• Stress-inducing family drama involving elder care, serious health issues for the cared for and the caregiver, conflicting wishes, legal issues, and, of course, money.
• Wedding news, both recent and upcoming, of people I care about very much, and all my conflicted feelings about them (good and bad) that are none of my business anyway.
• A follow up on my friend who tried to kill himself. That situation troubles me deeply, since I've had no resolution. Although he's completely recovered, I gather, he is also quite completely out of my life, which I never would have expected. I literally still have nightmares about this whole thing.
• Tales of paranoia, plots, pomposity, pissiness, and power at work. It's the pits.
• Obnoxious behavior by members of the public I have to deal with. If there's a silver lining in my future retirement, it's finally being able to tell people what I think of them as a private citizen and not a semi-public face representing two well-known employers. Ignorance, rudeness, selfishness. Three traits that don't sit well with me.

So although I'll still be busy the next couple weeks wrapping up the worst "normal" spring migration I can remember, I will be posting more often, just not anything juicy or compelling, at least on a personal level.

birdchaser, nuthatch, blow-up doll

The the Partners in Flight (PIF) conference in south Texas has just wound down. It was an interesting three days catching up on bird conservation research, good birds, and old friends. "New" friends, too. Here I am apparently throttling a blow-up doll while Birdchaser Rob Fergus naughtily puts a finger on the original conference artwork, clearly marked DO NOT TOUCH. Rob had already been photographed with many other women: he ran into a group of retired ladies doing the Great Backyard Bird Count at a local nature center who were thrilled to meet Audubon's face of the GBBC. They invited him back to their trailer park RV park mobile home community for lunch and photo ops.

Rob and I have communicated for a long time, but this is the first time we met. We went out to dinner later, along with Rob's advisor from the University of Texas-Austin, Robin Doughty, and two of Rob's friends. We left the blow-up doll behind, although we spent some time speculating on its origin. We thought perhaps someone had celebrated the Valentine's Day decision by Texas to overturn an old law by bringing it along to the meeting. We engaged in a little "birder blogger smack-down", gossiping about the other bloggers we knew, then the conversation then took a scatalogical turn (related to birds and work...sort of) and never really recovered. We had a great time.

Rob is off to Austin, and Kingfisher and I are going to spend a couple days birding here, as the Rio Grande Valley is one of our favorite spots. More later.

weather is great, wish you were here

Did you really think (did I really think?) I would post every day on vacation?  The days got too long and the photos and experiences too many. We are back in Panama City after a great time in the western highlands, and I will post more about that later. We have one more day here before our return home.

Meanwhile, I'd like to announce that The Open Laboratory 2007 has now been published. This is the second annual anthology of the best science blogging of the year. I'm pleased to say that out of over 450 submissions one of my posts, "Shrew Party," was included in this edition. I also had a post (The Little Farter") in the inaugural publication last year. Now the pressure is on to produce at least one decent natural history post a year.

You can read more about The Open Lab over at A Blog Around the Clock. It was Bora's brainchild, and this year's edition was speedily edited by Reed Cartright. Many kudos to them and all my fellow authors.

the year in birds: 2007

I did this for 2005 and 2006, and it's easier than making New Year's resolutions.

• Number of species seen: I generally only keep local year lists, and in 2007 only kept up with a year list for my home city. I had 156 species, which is 8 better than the year I tried to do a city "big year."
• New life birds: 3, all close to home. Purple Sandpiper, Black-backed Woodpecker, and Hoary Redpoll.
• Total life birds: 911
• Total ABA-area birds: 571
• Total state birds: 308
• Total birds in my home county: 251
• Total birds in my home city: 213 (I added five species this year)
• Total birds at my place of work: 186 (three new ones)
•  Yard birds: 134. Two came just recently. Number 133 was a Northern Saw-whet Owl and 134 was a Northern Shrike.

I anticipate that my next life bird will be found in four days, at the Metropolitan Nature Park in Panama City, Panama. We leave on Saturday, and I can sure use the getaway even though I am a bit anxious that this isn't such a good time to go. Last time I was there, I summarized the best birds of each day, and perhaps I'll do the same this time. The new birds I'm most looking forward to seeing will be in the highlands portion of our trip. They include Long-tailed Silky-Flycatcher, Resplendent Quetzal (right, by Len Blumin), Red-headed Barbet, Slate-throated Redstart, and Collared Redstart.

As always, I wish you new birds -- or other fabulous new experiences -- in the New Year!

hanging in there

An update. My friend is still in the hospital and not in good shape. My family situation is evolving; part of the legal situation seems to be in place, but there are serious logistical and emotional battles to fight. My eyes continue to improve daily. I'm especially amazed at the progress of my left eye. Most of the time I don't notice there's much of a difference between the two.

I've completed two of the three annual Christmas Bird Counts I participate in annually. We had some very nice birds on one: Common Yellowthroat, Northern Saw-whet Owl, Eastern Towhee, and multiple Fox Sparrows, Pine Siskins, and Common Redpolls. The other took place on days with 50 MPH winds, and was miserable. Yesterday on a bird survey for work, my husband and I found a Hoary Redpoll. I'm having a great "city" year, and will end up with at least 8 more species in my home city than I've had even in years when I've tried to do a "big year." I like the birds I find close to home best of all. Today it was a flock of Snow Buntings, which I just don't see locally very often.

If you are wondering, the photo is of a true bug, Leptopterna dolabrata, which I took this past summer.

i nearly lost someone today

A very dear friend and neighbor of mine tried to kill himself today. Had I not been at work when his mother called, frantic, knowing I have a key to his house, I would have been the one to find him. Not getting me, she called the police and they had taken him to the hospital before I got home. When I got her message after work, I was unable to reach her, so I went to his house.

He has made suicide attempts before, and I cannot describe how I felt going through his house, wondering at the threshold of every room, each closet, whether I would find him or not. It was horrifying. I found his glasses on his bedroom floor. I didn't know if had a spare. He's a slob, but nobody leaves glasses on the floor. That's when I knew. And I still had most of the house to check. I love him, or I would never, never have had the guts to do it.

I arrived at the hospital before his mother, who was a hour away in an assisted living facility and had to arrange a ride. I was allowed into his room, but he was (and still is) unconscious. I stood at the foot of his bed, waiting for his mother. I could not hold his hand and speak to him. My thoughts became gridlocked. I know my friend and his pain and issues well. I have also been through periods of deep depression and understand how that feels. I believe people have a right to end their own lives. I understand through experience and inference that suicide is the ultimate selfish act. Being caught up in this situation gave me another perspective on this selfishness.

Not only his selfishness -- and the circumstances he created which I'll leave unsaid made it very acute -- but my own. It took only an hour before I began wrestling with my anger at him (surely he knew there was a high probability it might be me that would find him), my feelings of betrayal, my hurt that he never reached out to me (then feeling guilty that I also was relieved that he didn't, so I didn't have to feel "responsible" for what happened), and finally feeling overwhelmed with how to deal with the aftermath. He's in serious condition in a critical care unit. We don't know yet how he will be physically, much less mentally.

I was both drained and keyed up when I got home to my empty house. My husband went to visit his family for the week -- I stayed home to catch up on a lot of work before we leave on vacation in 10 days. I don't really celebrate Christmas anyway, so this wasn't a big deal to me. But it was difficult not having him here. After I talked to him, I called my own family. Things have been very difficult with them for quite awhile, another reason I was home alone. But I had already decided I would call to wish them a merry Christmas. Unfortunately, despite telling them what had happened since they know my friend, I was hit with some very unpleasant and distressing shit. It's a situation I don't know exactly how to resolve, but it has the potential to do serious damage to my way of life, as well as our relationships. I recall some little ditty that likens a broken relationship being like fine china: when it's broken it can be mended, but the crack is always there. We're at that point already. I can almost see the china plate wobbling at the edge of a tall object, poised to fall and shatter.

Well, I haven't written too many self-indulgent posts like this, but I needed to unload. I hope everyone reading this had a much better Christmas than I did.